‘Commitment’ -Oh my gosh, she said THE word!

You know the saying that the hardest part is starting.

Well, I’m completely and utterly frightened to start my Brozen Dofe award so late in the year.

I’m so frightened it’s literally eating up my mind. I’m scared to even go to the instructor to ask for the entrance slip and to ask any questions. I told my class mates how I was feeling and they asked me

‘What are you scared of?’

Now this moment I was feeling ‘Aporia’. To very vaguely describe: The crazy emptiness you get when you realize that something you believed isn’t actually true.

I realized that there was, in actual fact, nothing to be scared of. I’M the one who wants to do this. HE is the one who said I could. I asked to start. I was super duper hyper and excited about starting this but now, fear is holding me back. Big time.

I have doubts that pop into my head over and over again telling me ‘You can’t do it’ and wondering about all the ‘what if’s’. 

What if I don’t finish in time?

Do I even have enough time?

He said there was…but that was quiet a few weeks ago??

Will I be able to find a place to volunteer in?

After I had finally mustered up some unnecessary courage, I got the entrance slip. This time the problem was that the money had to go somewhere else and not to the school. This kind of sucked because that meant my dad had to take it somewhere himself and I don’t really know how to explain but, he isn’t exactly the type that would do things like that. The even worse thing was, I didn’t specifically knew where you had to take the money to and in the end it had to go to a completely different place.

I’m absolutely terrified, mortified of starting but then I REALLY want to get started and then again I’m afraid. An endless battle continues in my head…